I filed my tax return this afternoon, and I soon got an email from the federal government. At least they’re being direct.
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Dear Mark P Neyer,
Congratulations! The IRS has accepted your federal tax return. There’s nothing else you need to do. We have decided to give back some of the money we took from you, although we still plan to spend the rest of the money we took on stupid shit that doesn’t matter, because we can.
Lest you think we are providing important services with your hard earned money, we remind you that education is largely handled at a local level, and we pretty much have monopoly on that, so we have little incentive to improve education in any way. As far as the roads go, we’re already making way more money from the gasoline provided by the oil companies than anyone else involved in the process of delivering that oil to you, more than enough to pay for the roads. We don’t plan on lowering the gas prices, however – we need that money. How else are we supposed to fund parties costing hundreds of thousands of dollars for ourselves?
Please note that because some of the money we steal from you is indeed used to pay for highways, we reserve the right to withhold your own money from you if you don’t do what we say, even if what we say happens to be patently unconstitutional.
On top of all that, we plan to continue depreciating the value of your saved assets by exercising an overly inflationary monetary policy, as well as by printing money to give to large financial institutions. These policies are great for people who like to gamble with large sums of money, but they aren’t very good for anyone else. So why do we do it, then? Fuck you! That’s why!
Hahaha,
United States Federal Government