Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I am hungry

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

Tuesdays and thursdays I have a rather long block of classes followed by work, which means some times the first meal I have all day is dinner time. On those days (today is one of them, although I had half a bagel at work) I get rather hungry. I am hungry now.

Watch it Now!

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

I was trying to get a printer working today. Opened up notepad, typed ‘test’ real quick, and was about to hit ‘print’ when i realized that i hadn’t typed ‘test’, but ‘twat’. Apparently the ‘w’ and ‘a’ keys are right next to the ‘e’ and ’s’ keys. It’s a good thing i didn’t hit the print button…

A Programmer’s Lament

Monday, March 20th, 2006

I found this in my Abstract Algebra textbook, and I really like it:

A Programmer’s Lament

I really hate this damned machine
I wish that they would sell it
It never does quite what I want
but only what I tell it

-Dennie L. Van Tassel, The Compleat Computer

Must Be Tired

Sunday, March 19th, 2006

I was reading for my thermodynamics class, and after an equation called the ‘Debye T3 law‘, I read “experimental results for this dragon are plotted in figure 4.10″ I had to re-read it a couple of times before it came out correctly: “experimental results for argon are plotted in figure 4.10″

Weird Coincidence

Friday, March 17th, 2006

My friend called me to let me know that our group of CS/Math people was going to head to a place called ‘The Dubliner.’ She wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get in (on account of not being 21), and suggested I call them to find out. I looked up the place on google, found a number, and dialed. I got no answer. I then found an article from january 2006 further down, saying that the place was being forced to close. I was skiming the article, when I saw an exhoration to call the owner of the property, Dan Neyer. I recognized the name and address right away – it was my uncle! I called him to ask if the place was still open or not, and he told me it’s been reopened under a new owner – now it’s the ‘New Dubliner.’ It is open and ready for buisness. Very strange, indeed.

Mark P Neyer’s Guide To Tipping

Sunday, March 12th, 2006

I spent a couple of hours going over thermodynamics with a fellow physics major today. When the bill for my food came, I looked at it for a while as I calculated the tip. “Too much math, eh?” asked Alice, as I took a while to figure the thing out. I explained to her my process for deciding a tip, and she seemed to think it was rather complicated. I present it here for your edification.

Suppose your bill comes to a total of x. Choose an arbitrary whole dollar amount for the tip; let this value to be ‘t’. Calculate the the values 5t and 6t. These are the lower and upperbounds on hypothetical bill totals where ‘t’ would represent a 20% and 16.7% tip, respectively. If 5t < x < 6t, t is somewhere between 16.7% and 20% of the bill, and therefore an acceptable tip. If 6t > x, your tip is less than 16.6% and you should maybe choose a new one. Add one dollar to the tip and increase the upperbound by 6, then reverify. If x < 5t, the tip is larger than 20% and you might consider lessening a bit.

Whatever you may think, this system works well for me, and I don’t have to mess with any nasty decimals.

Stranger Things Have Happened

Friday, March 10th, 2006

I’ve been working on setting up a Microsoft Project server at my job. I assigned the server a static IP address (I need to ask why we do this, because I don’t really know…) and my client machine was unable to contact the server. I could ping the IP address directly, but it wasn’t resolving the name through DNS. This was only true for some clients; namely those with one of our HP switches as a default gateway. I went to the switch’s web managed portal to see what was going on, but couldn’t find a test to test the DNS Connection from the switch to the server. It could ping the server’s IP address fine, but I knew that from the getgo because I could ping the server by IP from my desk client.

Looking at an outdated IP address roster (the compilation of which was my first task here, over a year ago now), I noticed that all the addresses from 192.168.2.50-192.168.2.150 were assigned by DHCP. I had thought adam told me to use .53 because this was available. I noticed that the chart was out of date, so I found the updated version and noticed that there were static IP addresses up to about the 50 range. Still, I figured it was worth a shot and moved the project server from 192.168.2.53 to 192.168.2.35. Still, no luck. In exasperation, I renamed the server from project to “jengajam”. For some reason, that did the trick. I renamed it back to “project” and the connection still worked.

My guess is that the switch was caching DNS values or something screwy. Who knows? In any case, working on problems like this is my favorite part of this job.

On Mathematical Discovery

Friday, March 10th, 2006

Every once and a while, I come up with a unique mathematical idea. This happened to me recently. It started when I was reading a book recommended by a friend of mine named Anneliese. The book is called ‘The Mystery of the Aleph’, and it deals with Georg Cantor and his work on infinity.

Mathematical Background

(Math majors can feel free to skip this part)

Infinite sets are strange things. One of the neat things Cantor found out was that there are different kinds of infinity. For example, the numbers (0,1,2,3,4…) are called Integers. There are infinite integers. Numbers with decimal expansions (1.01232, 2.22442244, 3.14159265…) are called ‘real numbers.’ There are infinite real numbers as well. Cantor showed, however, that even though both sets (the set of real numbers, and the set of integers) are infinitely large, there are more real numbers than integers. This is hard for a lot of people to understand; both sets are inifnite – how could one be larger than the other?

In order to measure the size of a set of objects, we come up with a mapping from the set we want to count to the set of integers. If you have 10 cookies (you luck bastard, you), then there exists a mapping from the set of integers {1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10} to the set of cookies in your possession. This mapping connects each cookie with a number from the set. If you add another cookie to your set, then the set of integers from 1 to 10 is no longer large enough to map onto your cookies; you need a larger set of integers because your set of cookies is bigger.

By defining the size of a set in terms of mappings, cantor came up with a way to show that you cannot possibly have a mapping from all integers to all real numbers between 0 and 1. One proof he used is not too difficult to see. Suppose that the mapping does exist: that is, suppose the function f takes an integer n, and gives us the nth real number. Cantor argued that you could create a real number to which no integer maps. This number (we’ll call it G) is defined as follows. The first digit of G is the first digit of f(1), with one added to it. If this first digit is a 9, just switch it to a 0 and forget about carrying. This sort of addition is called ‘mod 10′ addition. In general, the nth digit of G is the nth digit of f(n) + 1 mod 10. The number G cannot possibly be in the list of real numbers, because for any integer n, the nth digit of G differs from the nth digit of f(n). Because you cannot map the integers to the real numbers between 0 and 1, we say that there are uncountably many real numbers.

There are more levels an infinity than just these two – it can also be shown that there are more functions of real numbers than there are real numbers. For any set S, there is always a larger set: the powerset of S. The powerset of a set S is the set of all combinations of the members of S. For example, suppose S = {1,2,3}. The powerset of S is { {}, {1}, {2}, {3}, {1,2}, {1,3}, {2,3}, {1,2,3} }.

By saying two sets have the same size if there’s a mapping from the members of one to the members of the other, you can get some interesting results. For example, consider the set of all square numbers: {0,1,4,9,16,25,36 … }. How big is this set? How does it compare with the set of all integers? It should seem that this set would be smaller than the integers, because every square number is an integer, but not all integers are square numbers. Your intuition leads you astray here. It is easy to come up with a mapping from integers to square numbers: f(n) -> n2. Because there is a mapping from the integers to the square numbers, there are just as many of one as there are of the other. In more strict mathematical terms, the set of all integers and the set of all square numbers have the same Cardinality.

The Story Proper

I was thinking about power sets and orders of infinity and such, when I happened upon a rather novel idea. What if there was a set that was infinite, and yet smaller than the integers? I told this idea to Anneliese and she didn’t think it was possible. The fact that she thought it couldn’t exist, and that my intuitive mathematical sense told me it couldn’t exist convinced me that it probably did exist, and so I set off trying to think of what this set could be.

While I was in the car on the way to work, I found it ! Prime numbers! I have done a lot of thinking about prime numbers, in the past, but the idea made perfect sense in this context. A prime number is an integer that is only divisible by one and itself. The distribution of prime numbers is a strange thing; it seems almost close to random: {1,3,4,7,11,13,17,19,23,29 …}. There is a mathematical function with approximates the prime distribution, but there is no function which gets it exactly right. Maybe, I thought to myself, that is because the prime numbers are uncountable because they are too small, and therefore such a function can never exist! The intellectual absurdity of the idea appealed to me, and I tried to think of ways to show that it was the case that there were fewer prime numbers than integers.

I concocted what was a valid proof, and spent the rest of the afternoon mulling this idea. While I was mulling my proof, I had a new realization – if you take the powerset of the set of all primes, you get the set of all possible combinations of prime numbers – but any set of prime numbers can be considered a ‘recipe’ for constructing an integer. If the set of prime numbers were the same size as the set of all the integers, taking its power set should give a set of a new size – and since the power set of prime numbers is isomorphic (‘isomorphic’ means there’s a one to one correpsondence) to a subset of the integers (namely, those integers expressible as the product of primes raised to the first power), the set of primes must have a lower cardinality than the set of all integers! I was ecstatic at this point.

When I was eating dinner that night, my dad noticed that I was thinking about something and asked what it was. I explained to him, and tried to give him my proof. He instantly rejected my idea as absurd (which I had expected) and proceeded to explain why my proof didn’t work. I explained the flaw in his reasoning, and he came up with another counter example. I told him why that exapmle didn’t work, and He then came up with another reason. This went back and forth until we reached a particular example where he was sure he had shown my reasoning to be false, and I was sure he had not. After writing on a bit of scrap paper, I realized where I had erred. He showed me that my method of proof was invalid. I looked at the paper for a bit until I could fully grasp why my proof didn’t work. When it hit me, I looked up and said “Well, I still think it’s true. I just can’t prove it yet.” I could see that this irritated him slightly, but I didn’t care – I was still sure of myself. The power set buisness is what convinced me it was the case. I thought about it more that night, and when I woke up in the morning, the proof was there in my head !

I had planned to meet with Gary, my CS professor that morning and show him some thoughts I’d had on another topic (on the computational ability of a finite system, and how this ability changes as more states are added to the system), so I just showed him the proof I had instead. He was intrigued, and yet cautious. He wasn’t sure about some of the steps that I had taken, but he didn’t know enough to tell me if I was wrong or not. I ran into Jim Snodgrass, the head of the math department, and showed him my proof. He, too, felt like it wasn’t quite right but wasn’t solid enough on his set theory to say exactly what was wrong with the proof. He let me borrow a book on set theory, and I started looking through it. Later that day, I found a proof which told me I was wrong, although I wasn’t well versed enough in the book to understand it at all. I was convinced that the book was wrong; probably they made a defintion that was tight and therefore their proof didn’t rule out my claim.

I realized that I didn’t have the background in set theory to prove what I was trying to say the way I wanted to, so I gave up on that method and tried to think of a new one. I got it pretty quickly. I knew that there are more functions from integers to integers than there are integers themselves. I also had the realization that, if the primes were countable, you could consider the factorization of an integer to be a function in of itself. For example, the number 3536 factors into 24*13*17. If you add in the other primes, it looks like this: 24*30*50*70*110*131*171*230

In any number’s factorization, the nth prime could be raised to any integer power, and therefore every integer represents a unique mapping from the integers to the integers. The above function would map the integers {0,1,2,3..} to the integers {4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0…} For an integer n, the nth function at x is the integer power of the xth prime number in the factorization of n. I was pleased! I knew everything I needed to know about sets and such to show that this was the case. I started working out a concrete proof.

I got to the point where I was about to state that any function could be converted to an integer in this manner. I had to stop and think about how I could show this was the case when I realized I was wrong. Every ‘function’ based upon the factorization of the number n will map to zero after a certain point, because in the factorization of a given number n, all primes greater than n are raised to the 0th power. At this point, I began to doubt whether my idea was true or not. Perhaps the primes were large enough to be countably infinite. Still, the power-set buisness told me otherwise. How could a set possibly have the same cardinality as its power set?

The next morning, I realized my mistake. As long as you look only at the finite-sized elements of the powerset of the set of all primes, you can turn them into integers. Howerver, one member of the powerset of the set of all primes is the set of all primes. If you multiply all the prime numbers together, your answer is not meaningfully called an integer. I told my professors about this today. Gary started to get excited when I told him how I thought of mapping integers to functions using their factorization, but when I explained that it didn’t work because of the fact that the functions would always end up returning zero after some maximum number, he had a slightly dissapointed look on his face.

Conclusion

I’m still not sure I’m ready to believe that the primes are countably infinite, although I think that’s just because I’m stubborn and like to think that I have a new idea. Even though I’m pretty sure I’m wrong about the idea, it’s nice to have a unique idea, share it with mathematically inclined people, and have them tell you that you’re wrong but that they aren’t sure why, and then find out for yourself why you are wrong and go back and explain it to them. Perhaps the life of an academic is the life for me?

Spring Break, Math Style

Sunday, March 5th, 2006

Over the weekend, I took a trip to North Caronlina to participate in an Undergraduate Mathematics conference put on by this group called SAMSI. I didn’t really know a lot about it when I signed up to go, other than that it was a free trip to North Carolina over spring break, and that math would be involved.

SAMSI is a research group that does mathematical and statistical work on problems like social networking, anomoly detection, and the spread of diseases. Went went to some talks which were frankly quite boring, but while the people were giving their talks, I was doing some work of my own. Back in december or so I started thinking about finite state automata, which are the simplest type of computers. I started thinking about their abilities as compared to other computational frameworks, and my thoughts on these matters left me with a bunch of questions. I wanted to clarify certain things to myself, and so while these guys were giving their talks on things that weren’t interesting to me, i came up with about 20 pages of notes on the topic i was thinking about. I proved some things which I had already sort of known, and came up with some interesting results which are at least new to me.

In addition to computational theory, I did some work on other random problems of mathematical interest. For example, any number that is divisible by three will have the sum of its digits also divisible by three. Why is this? As I figured while scribbling on a napkin at chili’s in the detroit airport, it’s a result of the fact that we use a base 10 number system. Suppose you have some number X, and you add three to it. If the first digit of X is 0-6, you have simply increased the sum of its digits by three. If the first digit is 7, you decrease the sum by 7 (because the first digit goes from 7 to 0) but then you increase the sum by one when you increase the next number, for a net change of -6, which is a multiple of three. Likewise, if the first digit is 8, you decrease the first digit by 7 (from 8 to 1) and increase the second digit by one. In general, if you have a base x number system, the ’sum of the digits’ rule will work for any number y such that x = ky + 1 for some positive integer K. So, in base 16, the divisibility rule works for 3,5, and 15. Cool, huh?

The other cool part of the trip was the socialization. I met some cool peopel from various colleges, and it was neat to hang out and talk with them. I played guitar with a guy named Bob from minnesota, argued politics with a socialist from Dartmouth and a fellow supply sider from Cornell, who told the darthmouth chap to ‘Read some Milton Friedman.’ I even meet some cool UC students, with whom I may hang out some time later.

North Carolina is a pretty place, and I liked it there. I may even go back this may for a week long thing where i’d actually get to solve some problems. The moral of the story is, if you get a chance to go to some thing, even if you don’t know a lot about it, go to it! You just might end up singing a song about the economy of south africa while enjoying a few adult beverages with people you just met.

Oops

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

I read a couple of blogs and web-comics. When I’m at my computer, I occaisionally look at them to see if they have new content for me. Just now I opened markpneyer.com to see if there was anything new…